Good morning, world; I’m back for another one.

Another day.

No, that’s not enough.

Another war.

No, that’s too far.

Another battle.

Yes!

Process. . . process. . . process. . .

That’s it. It is a battle. I am back for another one.

You thought you won, world, but I’m back for another one.

Process. . . process. . . stuck. . .

Get up. What are you doing? It’s time to do something. You’ll feel better I promise.

I’m up. I’m doing it. I’m out of bed and about my life.

Today, I’m back for another one.

I will not give in. I will win. I will not give in. It’s not who I am, you see.

Oh… Hi my name is Jacob Skorka and I’m OCD

Try again.

Hi, I’m Jacob Skorka AND I’m OCD

Again.

Hi I’m Jacob Skorka and I have OCD

Because this is not who I am. It is what I do.

Is it what I do or is it what I have?

No, I would not like it to be CDO to put it in alphabetical order

No, it does not stand for Overly Cute Disorder like the bullshit Target T your 4 year old is wearing

No, I won’t organize your closet if you pay me

No, I don’t really care if your room is a mess, I don’t have to live in it

I would never live in a room with a mess

Process. . . process. . . process. . . rewind. . . filter. . . filter. . .

This is real and it is what I have.

Today, I will win.

Today, this does not define me.

Define? The definition. God bless the definition.

No. No way does Skorka have OCD

No way does Skorka have depression.

Why? I’m sorry that I don’t fit your mold of OCD.

I’m sorry that my name was not in your PSYCH101 textbook.

I’m sorry that I don’t match your favorite character in your culturally sensitive Tuesday night sitcom.

I’m not normal.

No. . . No and no. No, I’m not sorry and no, what is normal?

Normal implies abnormal.

Who are you to define me?

Who are you to put my brain in your box

Process. . . process. . . process. . . stuck. . . stuck. . . stuck. . . rewind. . .

Today, I win. You lose.

You can say those things if you want. I’m stronger than you.

Say it.

But you better say it with conviction and be convicted of the crime of ignorance because you don’t know what it’s like and your words have no significance.

Today, I came back for another one. Today, I won.

Process. . . process. . . process. . .

Hello? Hello. . . ? Hey!

What? What is that? Yes? Who. . .

Oh, hello. You look familiar.

It’s dark in here.

In where? All I see is the sunshine.

No. Don’t look. The sunshine will steal you blind. You don’t need that.

What are you talking about?

Well… maybe you’re right. It does seem pretty dark.

Is it getting cold too? Dark, and cold? No. No… not again. Please, not again.

It’s too late.

Again. It happened again. I’m trapped and it’s dark in here.

I’m trapped because I can’t find the walls that THAT thing has put up. It trapped me.

I’m trapped because I don’t want to live, that shit is too hard

I’m trapped because I don’t want to die, that shit is too scary

Scared? What am I scared of? There’s nothing in here. It’s dark though. What could be in the dark?

I feel cold. I feel alone, but I feel accompanied. Somebody is here. It’s too dark to see but somebody is here, waiting for my call.

Feel. I would feel cold. I would have feelings. I could have feelings. I would feel a lot of things if I could feel things at all.

There it is. THAT is back. I saw it. It’s darker than the last time.

How is that possible? Darker than the last time. Last time was darker than the last time. The last last time was darker than the last time.

Is this the last time? Is this as dark as THAT gets?

I guess I’ll see next time.