Here, have a beer and let's talk about why I'm writing about faith.
This blog was created to help me navigate life, and find creativity in exploring the day-to-day. After examining the corners of my life I realized that there are only really three things that I truly care for. Faith is the most important of these three things.
I have not always been a Christian. Prior to me deciding to live my life for Christ I had no problem with Christian culture, but had been deeply wounded by a church. The culture was always something that did not effect me, and I was never bothered by it. After I became a Christian something funny happened - I developed a hobby, which has become one of my favorite things to do, of making fun of American Christian culture because so much about it bothers me. I don't usually say things out loud but if I do it's typically around my closest, dearest people. Nonetheless, thoughts of: are you serious? or did that guy just say that?! and that did not just happen flood my brain. Perhaps it's because I have a deeper understanding of Jesus and who He is, perhaps it's because Christian buzzwords are tossed around as a deflection for not being able to finish a thought and communicate it well, perhaps it's because I am actually questioning the authenticity of the American Christian church. If I'm being honest with you I don't really know why I enjoy it so much, and I hope it is never perceived as me making fun of Christians, individually, as human beings, but sometimes I am so bugged that I will actually lose sleep. Sometimes it is deeper than an annoyance and turns into a real anger. Sometimes I go on 10 minute, non-coherent rants to my wife or best friend. Sometimes I sit in silence and am equally heartbroken and pissed off. All the time, I have to check my heart with the Lord because I get carried away.
I have never been one to mask the truth. As a matter of fact, my reputation has always been one of not holding back the truth. I lean much farther to the side of truth on the grace-and-truth spectrum that Christians talk about all the time, and it has always felt like that is frowned upon in Christian communities that I have been submerged in. To be clear, these "Christian communities" range from large organizations that elevated me to a leadership role, to groups formed by churches that I stopped in to check out once or twice, and everything in between. There has always been tension, covered by backhanded compliments, that made me feel like nobody believed my faith was real because I am capable of having a hard conversation without starting it with, "well, you know, we just, we feel like, I mean, there have been a lot of questions, and we, you know. . . you are a child of God, and. . . I want you to know that I love you, and. . . *tear* I need you to know that this is hard." This tension has been made obvious so many times in my Christian life that I came to a place of silence. It is always easier for me to be silent than have to apologize for something that does not need an apology.
Part of this culture is the amount of Jesus blogs and podcasts that all have the same message: it's okay! The extent to which the American Church has created the narrative that you are loved, you are forgiven, you are doing your best and that is okay seems too often to blur the line between self-help and true Gospel. Narrative that has come dangerously close to forgetting about fearing God, and turning a blind eye to God's wrath on those who disobey Him. Hear me when I say this: knowing that you are loved and forgiven is the epitome of the Gospel, and I am not playing that down. What I am saying is that there is another side, and it is scary. Popular Christian narrative is the one that makes us feel good, which is a recipe for faith en masse to be founded on emotion and self.
Now, I'm writing about faith not only because it is the most important thing in my life. Not only because I am deeply bothered by the American Christian church. Not only because I will always question the popular narrative if it is chasing emotion. Not ever because I want to make fun of people.
Mostly because the nicest, most caring humans that I have ever met want nothing to do with God, Jesus, or any religious lifestyle. Vice versa, some of the harshest, thickest, most unpalatable people that I know claim they know Christ and live every second for Him.
I have realized that I am of the worst of them.
That is the reason I am writing about faith. That's my why. I want to put thoughts on a page that match my emotions of equal part heartbroken and pissed off. I want to engage with you and discuss why this seems to be the truth that I can't escape. I want to understand why Christians don't leave the belief in Jesus, they leave the body of Christ. I want to speak with my brain and my mouth before I speak with my heart and my feels. I'm confident that I am going to say things that spark your fire, and I want to know why the fire was sparked.
Finish your beer and buckle up. This is gonna be wildly introspective and blunt.
If you're unfamiliar with with the grace-and-truth spectrum mentioned above: it is basically an outline for how to approach conversations. Specifically hard conversations in which someone may end up feeling hurt, or attacked. Basically, if I approach the conversation with truth it can be too harsh unless paired with grace, and if I approach the conversation with grace alone it can lack truth, which defeats the purpose.
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